How long ago was it? Two days? Four? Thirty? Forget the number;
it doesn't really matter. Was it recent enough? There's a chance that it
was pretty recent, that just yesterday you and your kids grabbed a
recipe that looked interesting and made it happen. Odds are better that
it's been a while. I'll be honest; I didn't cook with my family as much
as I wanted to, until I figured out how.
Like anything else, cooking with loved ones is a skill. There's a secret though: no one knows how to do it. Or at least what the goal is. What do I mean? Most people would say that if you are good at this 'skill' (cooking with family, or cowif for short), then your food will turn out better. The secret is...
It doesn't matter.
Why?
The food isn't what's important. Stay with me here, I'll explain. At the end of the day, what do you really remember about cooking with everyone? The food? Or the cooking?
Sure, you may kick yourself for adding a little too much salt or letting the garlic go 2 minutes too long, but that's not what's going to stick. I know what memories will really stick, what will really matter.
You'll remember your daughter laughing so hard milk almost came out her nose, or your husband almost dropping a meatball. So keep track, this is the first secret: the skill of 'cowif' (cooking with family) is in creating memories, not food. But I promised a different secret, didn't I? How I figured out to cook with mine more often.
Before we wander down that very important path, don't feel left out if you don't have any family that you live with or any kids to teach how to roll a meatball. Do you know how I define family? Anyone that massively impacts my life in a positive way. I have a lot of family because of this; you probably do too. Get together and cook up some inside jokes, some memories, some you-had-to-be-there moments. You're not too busy! That's what I thought too.
That's the state of things isn't it? We're busy. You're busy. You're overworked! You might even be a little underpaid even we're going to be really honest about it. So why do you do it? For your family! Here's what I figured out: my priorities were a little... skewed. Are yours?
We don't mean them to be. It sneaks up on us, like our car getting old or our shoes getting worn. It's just all the sudden happened. There's nothing you can do to stop it.
Okay fine, there is. Just reset your priorities. Don't panic, it won't take long, it won't throw your life into upheaval, it won't even be difficult. Just set aside the time. Pick one day each week that everyone can commit one or two hours to and rotate who picks the recipe. Think it's impossible?
The key is that planning. You have to set yourself up for success, and as busy as you are the only way to do that is to plan it out. Here are the steps to do so:
1. Figure out who all who want to share in these experiences and memories with you. Make this list as big as you possibly can! Firstly, people won't be able to come each time, this way you can reach out to them other times. Secondly, this gathering will probably grow over time. And thirdly, life is short!
2. Figure out the best day and time for everyone. This might be the same time each week, the same time each month, or it might need to be tweaked on an ongoing basis.
3. Decide who is in charge of the recipe. Different recipes, different cultures, different countries... these are your vacations. This is how you travel with your family without taking any vacation time from work. Challenge yourself! Explore new horizons! You might not like everything that you try, but the experiences will still be fantastic.
4. Commit! This is the easiest place to drop the ball. Be ruthless, be relentless! If someone says something came up, make sure it's something that really is a priority, and not something that's just a distraction.
Four steps. Maybe an hour or so of work. Is it worth it?
Think to the original question: When did you last cook with your family? How do you want to answer that question a month from now? Like most things, the words that you use really don't matter.
'2 months ago' with a twinge of regret and a slight sigh
'I don't remember' wondering why we don't cook more?
'4 days ago' with a slight grin, remembering the eggs incident
One last secret. The answer to the question isn't really my main focus; it isn't what I want to help you with. What I want to help you with is how you feel when you think about that question. When someone asks you about cooking I want you to laugh before they can finish their sentence, for tears to well up and for you to shake your head thinking about what a mess you and your friends made last time.
Want an example? Today some of my friends came over and we made a real simple ratatouille in about an hour with some pasta. In that hour, we discussed non vegetarian onions, watched a 13 month old try 5 different vegetables, and watched that same 13 month old go from bored to begging to be picked up so that he can help stir the pot. In an hour!
Like anything else, cooking with loved ones is a skill. There's a secret though: no one knows how to do it. Or at least what the goal is. What do I mean? Most people would say that if you are good at this 'skill' (cooking with family, or cowif for short), then your food will turn out better. The secret is...
It doesn't matter.
Why?
The food isn't what's important. Stay with me here, I'll explain. At the end of the day, what do you really remember about cooking with everyone? The food? Or the cooking?
Sure, you may kick yourself for adding a little too much salt or letting the garlic go 2 minutes too long, but that's not what's going to stick. I know what memories will really stick, what will really matter.
You'll remember your daughter laughing so hard milk almost came out her nose, or your husband almost dropping a meatball. So keep track, this is the first secret: the skill of 'cowif' (cooking with family) is in creating memories, not food. But I promised a different secret, didn't I? How I figured out to cook with mine more often.
Before we wander down that very important path, don't feel left out if you don't have any family that you live with or any kids to teach how to roll a meatball. Do you know how I define family? Anyone that massively impacts my life in a positive way. I have a lot of family because of this; you probably do too. Get together and cook up some inside jokes, some memories, some you-had-to-be-there moments. You're not too busy! That's what I thought too.
That's the state of things isn't it? We're busy. You're busy. You're overworked! You might even be a little underpaid even we're going to be really honest about it. So why do you do it? For your family! Here's what I figured out: my priorities were a little... skewed. Are yours?
We don't mean them to be. It sneaks up on us, like our car getting old or our shoes getting worn. It's just all the sudden happened. There's nothing you can do to stop it.
Okay fine, there is. Just reset your priorities. Don't panic, it won't take long, it won't throw your life into upheaval, it won't even be difficult. Just set aside the time. Pick one day each week that everyone can commit one or two hours to and rotate who picks the recipe. Think it's impossible?
The key is that planning. You have to set yourself up for success, and as busy as you are the only way to do that is to plan it out. Here are the steps to do so:
1. Figure out who all who want to share in these experiences and memories with you. Make this list as big as you possibly can! Firstly, people won't be able to come each time, this way you can reach out to them other times. Secondly, this gathering will probably grow over time. And thirdly, life is short!
2. Figure out the best day and time for everyone. This might be the same time each week, the same time each month, or it might need to be tweaked on an ongoing basis.
3. Decide who is in charge of the recipe. Different recipes, different cultures, different countries... these are your vacations. This is how you travel with your family without taking any vacation time from work. Challenge yourself! Explore new horizons! You might not like everything that you try, but the experiences will still be fantastic.
4. Commit! This is the easiest place to drop the ball. Be ruthless, be relentless! If someone says something came up, make sure it's something that really is a priority, and not something that's just a distraction.
Four steps. Maybe an hour or so of work. Is it worth it?
Think to the original question: When did you last cook with your family? How do you want to answer that question a month from now? Like most things, the words that you use really don't matter.
'2 months ago' with a twinge of regret and a slight sigh
'I don't remember' wondering why we don't cook more?
'4 days ago' with a slight grin, remembering the eggs incident
One last secret. The answer to the question isn't really my main focus; it isn't what I want to help you with. What I want to help you with is how you feel when you think about that question. When someone asks you about cooking I want you to laugh before they can finish their sentence, for tears to well up and for you to shake your head thinking about what a mess you and your friends made last time.
Want an example? Today some of my friends came over and we made a real simple ratatouille in about an hour with some pasta. In that hour, we discussed non vegetarian onions, watched a 13 month old try 5 different vegetables, and watched that same 13 month old go from bored to begging to be picked up so that he can help stir the pot. In an hour!
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